Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My 10 Tips for Facebook Dating

A guy friends a girl he wants to go out with. A girl chats with a guy who seems like boyfriend material. It happens all the time and it’s completely normal. I just wanted to give you my top ten tips on dating when it comes to Facebook(although some may work with online dating in general, or perhaps even real life!).

  1. Know the difference between general interest and romantic interest

Just because she LOL’d at your comment does not mean she wants to sleep with you(although sometimes it does). And just because he comments on all your photos doesn’t mean he wants to be your new BF(although sometimes it does).

There are so many times when people start talking and they misread signals because a someone is just being friendly. If she ‘liked’ that one comment you posted, don’t read into it. If she gives you her phone number after talking over facebook chat several times, then you can call home.

  1. Don’t friend your friend’s friends

Gosh that’s fun to say. But seriously, don’t. I’m not talking about someone who you have 10 mutual friends and who you probably met in a class and just don’t remember, I’m talking about that cute girl who is obviously best friends with your mate form class that you’ve never met. It’s creepy and they will think it’s creepy. They will asking, “why is he friending me?”

Not to mention pissing off the friend of the person you’re friending; it just looks like you’re using that person to get to all the hot people on their friendslist. The exceptions to this is if A) you’ve met the person in real life, it was a positive interaction, and they want to get to know you more, B) you find yourself exchanging comments and likes over your mutual friend’s posts and you both want to cut out the middle man to talk, or C) if your friend introduces you. Otherwise, it just looks like you’re friending random hot people. Speaking of which…

  1. Don’t friend random people (unless you have a good reason)

Some people think it’s weird to just go out and friend strangers, but I for one have made numerous good friends of people I’ve met in groups or through friends, or just randomly. I consider it acceptable as long as you have a good reason, and no, thinking their pics are hot doesn’t count. Having mutual interests, liking their clothing/art style, liking their sense of humor or their links and posts, does.

Actually, this is similar to real dating, because you can’t just date someone because they’re hot, you have to like something about their character. Plus, anyone can be hot these days with the right photoshop filters. Now having said that…

  1. Don’t start dating someone unless you’re sure you’re attracted to them

I’m not saying anything about beauty, or that you should only date supermodels. Attraction has to do with what you like and what you’re attracted to. There are a lot of beautiful ladies I know that I’m just not attracted to because they’re not my style or type. What I am saying is don’t get too involved with someone before you know what you’re getting into.

I would highly recommend not getting to much into sexual talk with someone who doesn’t have pictures up, because there’s nothing like falling in love with the idea of someone and then meeting up and getting taken completely by surprise(especially if you made a point of saying looks don’t matter to you). Which brings up possibly my most important tip that should be taken with ALL online dating…

  1. Meet up as soon as possible

I’ve been guilty of this more than once. As soon as one of you suggest meeting up and hanging out(and the other agrees this is a good idea), meet up within the week if you can. You need to find out if you two are really compatible and can stand each other; this cannot be found out on the internet.

The longer you prolong a meet up, one of two things will happen: it will get more and more sexual in which case there’s a big chance that you’ll meet up, find out it doesn’t work, and then it’s too late to end it nicely, or one or both of you will get bored and the relationship will die out. If you meet up and you both realize it won’t work out for whatever reason, the both of you can still be friends. If you meet and it turns out well, then hey, you can make out in real time rather than making :* faces at each other. There’s an important addendum to this:

  1. Don’t start dating someone 5 states away

Seriously, what do you think will happen? One of you is going to hop on a plane and fly down every other weekend? Why would you knowingly enter into a relationship like that? I know this is the information age and you can have skype sex with girls in Bangladesh if you want, but if you know she’s in another country before hand, it’s best to just stay friends.

I would say the most you should have to go to meet up is a long car ride. Otherwise, you’ll both tell each other you’ll visit, then neither of you will, then one or both of you will realize you can have your needs met very easily somewhere much closer. So if you’re a guy in Arizona and you found this really beautiful gamer chick in Alaska, what can I say but…

  1. There are other fish in the sea

Because, yes, we do live in the information age. So if you meet a girl and she’s cute but she hates anime, or you met someone on a train and you friended them only to find out they’re already married, or the girl you’ve been posting comments to just doesn’t get your kind of humor, or the girl you were holding off asking out suddenly went from “single” to “it’s complicated”, let it go because quite literally, you will find someone else. I really don’t understand why people STILL get hung up on others(ok I do, but move on) when they could so easily be perusing facebook(or any number of other online sites really) for other prospective partners! Which brings me to my next point…

  1. Don’t stalk people

Unless the other party stalks you back and it becomes a mutual stalking, otherwise, just don’t. But you don’t stalk people, right?

FACT: 72% of facebook users stalk friends without even knowing it(not a real fact). Do you: Comment and like every single one of their posts? Go through their extensive photo library and like and comment on their hottest picks with comments like “Ur so sexxxxy”? Do you even comment on conversations they’re having on other people’s walls? You may be a stalker.

Now I’m not saying you should completely ignore them, but try to keep the comments to a minimum. Comment only as much as you would comment any other friend. And don’t comment for the sake of commenting, actually have a good reason or funny quip for doing so. Don’t be one of the ten guys that likes a girl’s new sexy photo, be the one guy she has a meaningful conversation with and gives her IM name to. But then, a little stalking can go a long way…

  1. Don’t ask stupid questions

I’m not sure about anyone else, but when someone asks me questions that are clearly on my Facebook info page, I get really annoyed. Really? It’s that hard to see what college I graduated from? No, I’m not going back on my previous entry about stalking, but you should at least scan the info page(after you’ve freinded them of course) before asking the most general of questions to start a conversation.

And by doing so, you’ll have a better conversation! “Oh I see you like MGMT. What do you think of their new work?” Also, don’t get mad if someone doesn’t memorize every you single thing you like. It’s really hard to remember sometimes whether someone is “single” or “in a relationship”.

  1. Facebook dating is not a substitution for real dating

Let me explain. It’s fine if you met someone on facebook you really like. It’s fine if you get really into each other before you even meet up(well not if you follow my tips). It’s fine if you start sexting each other and plan out in detail what you’re going to do with each other. But when you finally do meet up, don’t expect to copulate right there in Grand Central.

Just because you talked about it over the Internet doesn’t mean you just skipped that whole, “getting used to each other a.k.a. going on a date” thing. You still need to prove that you’re a sane human and that you are the person you typed you are, and that both of you have something more in common than the love of sexting. So yes guys, even though you wooed her with your snarky quips, You still need to woo her in real life.

Well I hope these tips help you in your scandalous facebook affairs. Do you disagree with any of them? What should I add or take away? What are your tips for facebook dating?


  1. This is a fantastic post and should be printed out and posted on EVERYONE'S wall physical wall (as opposed to their facebook wall...that only gets read by stalkers.)

    Very well written. You really did have me laughing out loud while I was reading through this.

    From a female perspective this is how it goes:

    If a girl digs a guy (or another girl- Hey, its all good to me!) almost anything he/she says will be witty, funny, or "liked".

    Status: "Josh just bought a Slurpee at 7-11. Brain Freeze!"
    Interested Girl: "likes" this post and comments:
    "OMG! I LOVE slurpees! Press your tongue up to the roof of your mouth to cure brain freeze! Works every time!"

    See how some simple random status now turns into a means to flirt? Girls interested in someone will always find a way in to show she's interested.

    If a girl is just being friendly and has no romantic inclinations towards a guy (or girl), he can quote Shakespeare and throw up jokes written by CK Louis. None of it will be interesting, funny, or exciting. You may get an occasional "like" or "lol" every now and again, but trying to flirt with someone who responds with less than two words, or worse- initials of words is a fruitless endeavor.

    And given all that, there are STILL exceptions to all the rules. =)

    I dig your writing! You should post on this blog more often!

  2. Ah ha! The truth comes out! This goes directly in with my facebook dating ritual research. I'm glad I could get a female perspective on things! I would honestly love to write a book on dating rituals pertaining to Facebook. I feel like it would make a killing.

    Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I try to make people laugh as much as possible. When I make a cute girl laugh, I get a cookie! :D

    And on an unrelated note, I've never tried the tongue thing, but I have tried it with my thumb with mixed results.

  3. I'd buy your book if you wrote it. Full price, in the store, as opposed to torrenting it. ;-)

    Did you get a cookie?

    What's the thumb thing?

  4. Well thank you for that honor, I'm sure you don't say that to any author ;)

    I did get cookie, a gingerbread man in fact, with red M&M's for buttons. I ate his head. OMNOM.

    The thumb thing is basically the same as the tongue thing, you press your thumb to the roof of your mouth and it's supposed to go away, but the tongue thing seems like a smarter option since it's already there and who knows where your fingers have been. Hehehe.