tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-545757326562701162024-03-12T21:15:31.126-07:00Words Inside Joshua's Headthe noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-62091109255533007352012-05-01T14:59:00.002-07:002012-05-01T15:02:56.300-07:00Hot Liberty<i>A short piece of fiction about a possible future war as my entry for <a href="http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-challenge-random-title-generation/" target="_blank">Chuck Wendig's Flash Fiction challenge</a>. Enjoy!</i><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It
was war. We were fighting the
others. We didn't even know anymore who we were fighting. "Not us" is
all we knew. We started calling them "Euraps". We don't know who started it, it's just
something that stuck. Benny64 swears it was from some guy in Unit 6, but
TheRealGafton has this idea that it was made up by the higher-ups and
"interwoven into our thought-processes to make us more brutal
fighters". He was paranoid like that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We
were level 16 Trench Warriors. We fought in the trenches. We were the only ones who had to wear
enviro-suits and actually fight outside, on the ground. None of the higher-ups ever got to see
the ground. They said it was an honor that we got to feel mother America below
our feet and fight with our hands instead of behind plastic. They said our job was important. We were the only ones who got to see
the red sky for real. We were the
only ones who saw the enemy in person.
We were the ones closest to death.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It
was shit. It was the lowest
level. It was dirty and bloody and
demoralizing but if you paid your dues and got to level 20, they upgraded you
to a "mechanizer", which means you got to sit back in one of those
big machines and take out groups of Euraps with the press of a button. Why
couldn't we all start as mechanizers, we would ask. "You can't ALL start
out as mechanizers. That's not balanced. That's just the way the system is. You
have to pay your dues." It
made sense I guess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We'd
been Trench Warriors for 2 years, we were used to the muck and the blood. We
hated it, sure, but we were used to it by now. That was just our life. And we
were lucky; we were still alive. That was the important part. Very few Trench
Warriors made it to mechanizer because of the death rate. But we were almost
there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We
were called into battle early in the morning. We always had to get up early
because we had to be ready; we had to be on the front lines. It was me,
Benny64, TheRealGafton, DaveIsCats, and Gaylord420. Gaylord420 was a good soldier. He was almost level 19, but he wasn't the friendly type. For
the battle, it would be us, Unit 43, Unit 20, and Unit 59, and 2 mechanizers.
And we'd have a Generalisimo guiding our actions as always. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We
got there early, prepped our rifles, said our little prayer, "May we all
find our way home...in bed." and Prepared for the worst. DaveisCats was
scared out of his mind. "This time is different" He said. He was
still pretty new, only level 3. He
hadn't learned the trick to war that me and Benny64 had known: always go in
expecting to die. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And
then it started and we realized DaveIsCats was right. This was different. The
Euraps must have upgraded their training or their weapons. It was brutal. People on both sides getting
slaughtered. The mechanizers did the best they could, but they had to deal with
the LaserCunts (We don't know what Euraps called those big laser machines, we
just knew the name that everyone called them). It was up to us to hold the line
against the invading Euraps. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I
was surprised how many headshots I got. That would really help my score. In the
corner of my eye I could see DaveIsCats hiding in a trench, not trying to kill
anybody. I didn't care too much.
It's his problem if he doesn't get any kills and can't level up. More
kills for us. He'd just have to learn like we all did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I
had just run out of ammo and was busy reloading when a shot grazed my cheek. A
Eurap was right there. I didn't have time to reload. I pulled out my knife and
threw it straight into his facemask. He fell over in a slump. I remember it was
the first time I'd laughed and shouted in months. I'd never got a "direct
knife kill". I'd go up a level and get an achievement to boot. I was so
happy at my luck, how he'd been only slightly off. I turned to Benny64. And I
realized he hadn't been off. He had got a perfect head shot, just not on me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When
the battle cleared, the four of us huddled around Benny64. We were in a
predicament. We hadn't yet logged in our kills. If we took Benny64's kills, he'd be labeled a coward, but
we'd all go up to mechanizer. I've
heard of people doing it, and the higher-ups didn't care one way or the other.
It's just how the system worked. Gaylord420 had enough kills already; he walked
away, not saying a word to us. DaveIsCats wanted to do it of course. He'd seen
enough of the trenches. But Benny64 was the closest friend I'd ever had in this
stupid war. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">TheRealGafton
and me agreed. We'd split the kills. We took enough so that we'd go up a level,
and gave a few to DaveIsCats. He still had a while to go anyways, and we though
he needed to learn. We gave
Benny64 enough that he'd get the "Died with honor" achievement. His
family would be happy at least. We put in our kills, and said goodbye to
DaveIsCats. Gaylord420 didn't come with us. He wanted more kills. TheRealGafton
said maybe he was trying to go for the specialized Trench Warrior. It got more
perks and maybe he'd get a nice achievement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We
got to stay in luxurious new boarding room with two other older mechanizers.
Well it was luxurious for us anyways, they were tired of it. Soft beds, new
uniforms, more exotic food rations, a com-phone with games and even a common
room TV. I tried figuring out the
TV flipping through channels. I couldn't get the wave movements right. The
other mechanizers laughed at our naiveté. Had they ever been that young? I found a page where I could customize
my personal mechanizer, my uniform, even my bunkspace. One of the Mechanizers, SamSamMike, explained
it to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All
the customize mods were bought with points. The way you got points was by
rationing your food more. Not eat a meal for a day and you'd get maybe 5
points. For reference, there was a "Hot Liberty" mod, which was a
little plastic Statue of Liberty you could place in the cockpit of your
mechanizer that if you touched it, her clothes fell off. It was 50 points. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I
stopped for a minute and then me and TheRealGafton burst out laughing. Just
uproarious laughter, something we hadn't experienced for years. We didn't know
why we were laughing, but looking back, I guess I was laughing at the
ridiculousness of it all. You had to give up on your needs to get a little bit
of something useless you wanted. That's just the way the world works. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I
talked with TheRealGafton and SamSamMike about my amazing knife kill, but in
the back of my mind, I was trying to figure out which days I could stand not to
eat.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-58612330415436145792011-08-19T08:04:00.000-07:002011-08-19T08:04:04.371-07:00Two Tickets to the Gunshow<i>This is a short bit of fiction for one of <a href="http://terribleminds.com/ramble/">Chuck Wendig</a>'s Flash Fiction <a href="http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2011/08/12/flash-fiction-challenge-must-love-guns/">contests</a>. You should go check him out.</i><br />
<br />
My eardrums are blown out in a cacophony of bullets. I'd put in the earplugs Perry handed me earlier if I didn't need to hear where Sammy was. Perry's huddled beside me with his hands over his ears. I hug the steel table and hold my pistol close. Perry keeps telling me "It's a revolver you jackass!" Revolver. Whatever. It sounds like every gun ever made is shooting at us. I wait for the storm of enraged bees to let up a bit so I can pop my head out. It doesn't. I fuckin' hate guns.<br />
<br />
"You think you can just waltz in here, waive your badge around, and take ME in?! In a freakin' gun show?! You must be the stupidest fuck on the force!"<br />
<br />
Perry tries to glare at me through squinted eyes and muted ears. I think he agrees with the guy. I'm inclined to do the same. Whatever. I just shoot the damn things, it's not like I need to be a connoisseur or nothing.<br />
<br />
Bullets fly past my hair making me wish I had a receding hairline. I see holes in the wall the size of golf balls. What the hell are they shooting at us?<br />
<br />
"That's a M1919 Browning machine gun! How'd they get a hold of that?!"<br />
<br />
Thanks perry. Knew there was a reason I brought you along. Well yeah, he's the gun expert. That IS the whole reason I brought him along. Whatever. I just wish he knew how to shoot.<br />
<br />
"Cmon out pigs! I ain't got all day!"<br />
<br />
"We just want to know who you sold the gun to, Sammy! the uh-"<br />
<br />
"38 Weston special!"<br />
<br />
"Yeah that! What he said!"<br />
<br />
The cacophony starts up again. I don't think he heard me.<br />
<br />
"I ain't tellin' you shit man!"<br />
<br />
Ok, so he's just an asshole. Good to know. Jesus, how many gun nut friends does he have out there? I'll tell you one thing, me and Perry are not dying here. This is too ironic a death for either of us.<br />
<br />
I fire off a few rounds over their heads, then I throw my coat to the left of me, while I duck out on the right. They go to the bait like a swarm of flies to dung. Before I duck behind a column, I notice how many friends Sammy has. One beefy guy in a wife beater and a ponytail, one with squinty little eyes and big coke bottle glasses in a fishing vest, one in shades and a snakeskin jacket, oh wait and everyone else in the building showing their right to bear arms. Oh and they all have guns. So. Many. Guns. Just making sure they’re not throwing bullets at me.<br />
<br />
I clip Mr. snakeskin in the shoulder to get their attention off Perry. Snakeskin drops his whatever millimeter whatever and goes down clutching his arm like the little baby he is. That’s how I’m hoping a lot of ‘em will go down. <br />
<br />
“Now why don’t you put your toys down and come answer teacher’s question?”<br />
<br />
“You want toys?! I’ll give you toys!”<br />
<br />
“No toys is the opposite of what I-“<br />
<br />
“That’s an AK-47!”<br />
<br />
Before I can thank Perry for that oh so important piece of information, I hear a string of profanities erupt from that AC-40 Gerald’s holding. <br />
<br />
“Are we gonna let him impede on our second amendment rights?!” <br />
<br />
An uproar of ‘hell no’s from the yokels meets Sammy’s proclamation. And then an uproar of bullets. I look to my right and see some jackass point something long at me. I stub his toe and take it from him. Shotgun? Shotgun. One of Sammy’s bullets rips through the guy’s leg. I fire off a few rounds in Sammy’s direction. No luck.<br />
<br />
“That’s a coach gun! You can’t use it at long range!”<br />
<br />
What, first they got names and now they got rules? Pretty soon they’ll be wanting the right to vote. I throw the coach gun away and grab something from a nearby table, as a duck underneath. I hold it over my head for a few seconds to get Perry’s attention. <br />
<br />
“Will this thing work?”<br />
<br />
“That’s an M16 Assault Rifle!”<br />
<br />
“Not answering my question!”<br />
<br />
“YES! Shoot the thing!”<br />
<br />
Me and Perry. We have our good times. I unload a clip in the general direction of the gun club. They scatter like silverfish. Sammy gets scared. I see him run off. I follow with my trusty pistol revolver. And then I feel something rip through my calf as the floor punches me hard. I’m bleeding, a little disoriented. I see squinty eyes walking in my general direction looking a little too happy with what he’s carrying…and what he’s about to do. I split those coke bottles in one shot.<br />
<br />
But here’s the problem: That was my last bullet. Damn it. Should have waited till squinty eyes was closer. Sammy strolls up lookin’ like the kid who caught the bullfrog in a jar. I don’t need to know what he’s pointing at me to know what it’ll do to my insides. <br />
<br />
“So Sammy, you ready to tell me who you sold that gun too?”<br />
<br />
“Oh detective, you’re a funny one! You won’t be so funny when I-“<br />
<br />
And then I see the most ridiculous thing of this whole goddamn adventure. Perry runs up with a sword-an honest to God swashbuckler’s sword-and drives it straight through Sammy’s shoulder. Sammy’s cry of pain as he goes down is Beethoven to my ears. Perry’s huffing and puffing from the adrenaline while I try to stand on my last leg. <br />
<br />
“Perry, just who in the hell brings a knife to a gunfight?”The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-34539758503278871282011-05-06T13:48:00.000-07:002011-05-06T16:14:32.550-07:00a dysfunctional renaissance fair<div>I actually did this one awhile ago but kept forgetting to upload it.</div><div><br /></div>The iron horses<br />rusted squeaking and skwaking<br />let out clanging neighs <br />as the children tug on their copper ears the king sits on his thrown<br />sipping on his second 32 oz. cup of mead <br />as he tries to look down the queens corset for the<br />37th time?<br />The queen has since lost count<br />and lost interest<br />Her interest is not on the night<br />tall lanky and awkward<br />in his glimmering well kept armor<br />but of the stable boy<br />the stable man<br />in his wife beater and low hanging jeans <br />that he should be hanged for wearing such out of place attire<br />the jester fails to jest<br />as he loses his magic the gathering cards from his backpack<br />and none of the knights can agree <br />or disagree<br />on whether lost or batllestar had the worst ending<br />and the blacksmith sits in his shop looking up from his iphone every now and then<br />while his wench tears at a mutton leg with her plastic fork and knife<br />all in all they all agree <br />this was much better than last years comicon.<div><br /></div>The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-16725780489851619722011-04-25T21:53:00.000-07:002011-04-25T21:55:21.369-07:00High Fructose Corn Syrup You Filthy WhoreHigh fructose corn syrup you filthy whore<br />You caked up slut<br />You sugary sweet destitute prostitute, selling yourself to any junky stoner or third grader that will have you<br />You have your slushy syrupy hands in w everything<br />I know your story<br />You came from a small town out in Nebraska<br />A simple stalk<br />Innocent<br />A virgin<br />With wet suguary dreams<br />You came here<br />To the city<br />To the factories<br />To the candy colored work houses<br />They fed you lies saying they would make you sweeter<br />More mature<br />More full bodied<br />And then they raped you<br />Disfigured you<br />Mutated you<br />Poluted and diluted and over sweetened you<br />And put you in ever cardboard box, coke can and candy wrapper they could stuff you<br />Do you even know who you are anymore?<br />What's inside you?<br />What you've become?<br />You're a joke<br />A gag<br />A diseased ridden whore for men in cheap suits<br />Oh your sweet cracked lips<br />Your deceptive body<br />You go down so smooth so easy<br />You're there without me even askin you to be there<br />How I wish I didn't love you<br />How I wish i wasn't hooked on you<br />How I wish I could cut you away from my life completely<br />But you're in my vains too deep<br />You're glucose in my bloodstream<br />You're a honey silk dominatrix<br />And I am your rushing crashing addicted slave.The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-1373431608698205502011-04-14T08:47:00.001-07:002011-04-14T08:47:50.555-07:00ExplosionThere's a girl<br />Dark hair, blond hair, redhead<br />With glasses<br />C cups D cups double D cups<br />And she's a librarian?<br />No no<br />She's a school girl<br />Yes yes<br />She's been naughty<br />Yes yes<br />She's been a naughty school girl in her short school girl skirt and school girl Glasses and schoolgirl panties<br />Did I email back that guy that job offer<br />No damn it she's a school girl <br />No wait she's a redhead and a doctor<br />Yes yes<br />A sexy doctor<br />Yes yes<br />No she's a nurse in a white gown and white stockings and she needs an injection <br />And I should remember to DVR house later and<br />No god no<br />Ok she's a secretary<br />A biker chick<br />A dominatrix<br />Sexy secretary biker chick dominatrix with leather<br />I forgot to call my mother<br />NO FUCK NO<br />Legs, boobs, glasses, arms, pay the bills, table, knees, bed, rope, iron still on, lips, tits, arched back, door closed? heels, big heels, shouting, screaming, moaning, adventure time, grabbing, thrusting, indian girl, big eyes, facebook, breast, open skirt, pussy, wet, cringe, lips, breasts, NEW GREETING CARD!<br />I need a new girlfriend.The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-78466056818351602572011-04-14T08:46:00.000-07:002011-04-14T08:47:18.246-07:00Dreaming DejavuHave I dreamed this before?<br />Twenty one days ago<br />Or maybe it was a month or two months or a week<br />I woke up from a dream <br />And I couldn't quite remember what it was about<br />But it felt familiar<br />More than that it felt like it would feel familiar<br />Someday<br />And today, <br />I get a sense I've done this before<br />Said this before<br />Experienced this experience before<br />And I remember back to that dream I had<br />Twenty one days ago<br />Or maybe a month or two months or a week<br />And it feels familiar now<br />Like it felt familiar then<br />Or that it feels familiar like it would feel familiar<br />At least I think it does<br />And I get a sense of dejavu<br />And the strangest thing<br />The very strangest thing I have about this strange feeling<br />Is that I remember in that dream I had<br />Twenty one days ago<br />Or a month or two months or a week<br />I remember getting dejavu<br />About having this feeling.<br />At least I think I did.The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-1817649590658887612011-04-14T08:45:00.000-07:002011-04-14T08:46:34.557-07:00That Last MomentIn a moment, this moment I am experiencing<br />Right now, with you<br />This moment we are both sharing<br />Will pass and be lost in a thousand billion moments we've already experienced. <br />This moment<br />This moment that you are experiencing with me right now<br />In only a moment in time<br />Not even a year or a week or a day or an hour<br />But even in a moment in time<br />You will remember this moment<br />This moment we both have shared<br />And you will question whether this moment ever existed<br />Or if it is one of the many false moments you've made up in your head.<br />Remember,<br />Remember that even in this moment<br />You knew your future self would question the existence of this moment<br />Remember that you remember questioning yourself about this moment<br />And realize this question will not help you qualify this moment's existence at all, <br />It will merely serve to make you question all future past moments.The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-36177891110398828092011-04-14T08:44:00.000-07:002011-04-14T08:45:03.316-07:00Ode to ThesaurusWhat is the word<br />The word<br />The word for meaning<br />What sounds like meaning and feels like meaning but isn't quite meaning meaning<br />Explanation denotation connotation<br />Interpretation<br />Interpretation sounds good<br />Good good<br />What's another word for good<br />A good word for good<br />Great excellent superb outstanding magnificent!<br />No that's too much<br />Too good for good<br />I'll stick with great.<br />Now sexy<br />Sexy sexy<br />I need a sexy word for sexy<br />No it'd be better if it was an unsexy word for sexy<br />Desiring alluring voluptuous nubile toothsome<br />Toothsome?<br />Really? I like it. Toothsome.<br />Now ending<br />What's a word for ending<br />How can I end with an ending that's not ending but is an ending<br />And an ending that isn't french of course<br />Conclusion resolution denouement<br />No not denouement<br />Still too french<br />Hmmm finale termination discontinuation<br />I've got it!<br />Begin.<br />Perfect.<br />Because an antonym is still a synonym if you use it ironically, right?<br />Right.<br />Now,<br />What's another word for thesaurus?The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-77583758314842963082011-04-14T08:40:00.000-07:002011-04-14T08:45:46.379-07:00Callout to the Girl with GlassesI dig a girl with glasses,<br />And that's the only kind of girl I'll dig<br />I give no contact to a lady with contacts<br />I've got no passion for a girl with perfect vision<br />The only woman I'll bed is the minx wearing the bright red frames.<br />Because You've got to respect those specs<br />Those fine ass brims<br />Those coke-bottle lenses that get me into a coked up frenzy<br />Those curvy spectacles that are a spectacle for my senses<br />To me, two eyes are not enough when four is on the table<br />Bifocals, trifocals,<br />Don't put those reading glasses away in your leopard skin case,<br />Take them out,<br />Put them on display,<br />Let them shimmer<br />Let them gleam<br />Let them reflect my complete ecstasy in seeing<br />Those big beautiful wonderful windows encasing your soul<br />Librarians, Secretaries, and female physicians rejoice<br />Because I go crazy for those specs<br />Because I get hot and bothered by those blinkers<br />Because I need to cool down after catching a glimpse of those hot glasses<br />Because there's just nothing sexier than a chick with nearsightedness.The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-45956508159179836962011-03-06T10:26:00.000-08:002011-03-06T10:37:01.017-08:00PoetryFriday I went to a poetry reading with a friend. I went last month and really enjoyed it, and everyone prodded me into writing something. This time was just as much fun; there were amazing poets, music, crazy tranny puppets, and a guy playing a saw like a violin. Also I wrote poetry.<br /><br />I was quite busy all month and putting it off. FInally, Thursday night, at about 1 in the AM, I wrote a couple in an hour. I like doing poetry quickly and at the last minute, so if they suck, no harm. They seemed to go over well. Enjoy!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">.txt file</span><br />I am typing this on a keyboard into a computer onto a text file<br />saving it<br />deleting it<br />re-typing re saving re reading<br />emailing it<br />reading it<br />sent from iphone to my eyes to my brain to my mouth to your ears.<br />Thank the mother Steve Jobs<br />and the father Al Gore<br />For I never have to write, scribble, doodle,<br />read, scratch out, rewrite<br />read, re-read, re-reread, and translate my horrible handwriting ever again.<div><br /><br /><b>Sitting Alone</b><br />I see the look in your eyes<br />The way you avoid my gaze<br />The way you button the top button on your blouse<br />The empty seat you leave beside me<br />Don't think I dont notice<br />Don't think I dont remember<br />The empty seat beside me on the bus,<br />The empty seat beside me in class<br />The empty seat beside me every day of my life<br />The invisible stalker I couldn't get rid of<br />You think you're being subtle<br />You think you're being nice<br />But you might as well be saying it to my face<br />You're a creep youre a bum<br />You might as well be shouting it at me<br />You're weird, you're strange<br />You dont like me? I get it. It's fine.<br />I don't like you either<br />I don't like people who dont like me<br />I don't like people who put a stamp on my forehead<br />Before I get a chance to let a word out of my mouth for your approval<br />You're a creep, you're a bum<br />You create a vacuum of hate<br />And I hope it sucks you out and suffocates you.<br />I'll save you a seat.<br /></div><div><br /></div>The Noir Guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05083554242251593591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-1755444030146994462011-01-02T22:40:00.000-08:002011-01-02T22:55:29.970-08:00New Years Revolutions<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">SO. It's been a year. It's been over a year since I started living at home, and this past year, I've seen some things in myself that I like, some things that have improved, and some things I have a serious problem with that I really need to work on.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">Things I think have gotten better: My drawing abilities. Still needs work, but I can do a butt load of stuff without reference now, and I'm pretty proud of that. Also, my photoshop skills. When I apply myself, I can really use the medium and now I'm not so dependent on flash. My website (Though now it's my blog, so I prefer to call it my blogsite) is a whole lot nicer than my website, loads faster, is easier to change and update, and can actually be seen on iphones and other mobile media. I still would like to make one in wordpress, but until I get off my lazy ass and figure out MYSQL I'm pretty happy with it. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">Things I need to work on:</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b>Finishing what I start</b>. I have a serious problem with this. I get all amped up for a project, I get a specific idea in my head, and I try so damn hard to execute it, but I fall short. Sometimes when I don't know a program I fold under pressure. This comes through as a half ass comic or a huge animation project I couldn't possibly finish. This needs to stop. I need to know my limitations, pick smaller battles, and finish the battles I start. Radiogame Theatre is one of the few big projects that I started, finished and am generally proud of. I knew what I had to do, I saw the deadline, I planed for it, and I finished it. I need to do more projects like that.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">I also have this problem with relationships. I love getting to know people, but I'm terrible at breakups. Either I'll jump it too early and say the wrong thing, or I won't do anything and the passion will just die out, like an unfinished game. I need to work on this. Is anyone out there actually good at breaking up? Don't tell me it can't be done! I've seen it! </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">This is also why i love Scott Pilgrim so much. There's one scene in which Scott's friend tells him he has to break up with his girlfriend, and Scott whines, "But it's haaaaaaard!" That's me. I suck at that. I hate doing it because you're mostly a cool person and I want to leave you better than I found you, and you deserve someone cool. So for all those half assed shitty break ups I apologize.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b>Taking on too many projects at once.</b> This goes along with my last point; I have to pick smaller battles, and less of them. I'm always so quick to say yes to new projects because A) I never know where that project may lead and B) I get an idea in my head, I get really SUPER excited, and I think it will be much easier that it actually is. I can't count the times I've told myself, "Oh, I'll just photoshop it" and then I get into photoshop only to realize I hate my photoshop skills. So I'm sorry ahead of time if I say No to a project. It's only because I'm working on 49 other projects I think I can handle.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b>Laziness.</b> I say I do alot of things, but I wake up too late to do anything productive, watch too much crap on the internet, rush projects at night, and then go to bed too late just to start the whole damn process over again. This has to stop. I need to take my patented sticky system more strictly and get shit done. I've also become too comfortable living this lifestyle. Sure I want a job and my own place, but I can get up when I want, mold my own work schedule, stay up as late as I want...were I a lesser man I'd sit on my ass and play videogames all day.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><b>Make a routine.</b> It's hard to stick to routines when you don't have to, and it's really hard to stick to them if half the week you go away to the city for a networking event or to work on a project, but I desperately need a routine. </p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b>FInd a job</b>. Last year I told myself I would "try" to find a job. No more trying. Screw the economy, I'm getting a job this year. Not sure how quite yet, but I'm sure it will involve a shitload of networking. and redoing my portfolio. I don't even have an animation reel for 2010. Why? Because I was doodling all day. Granted, I was focusing on my illustration and classical drawing skills, but if I really want to be an animator, I need to animate. And model. And rig. This might put a hamper on my daily comics.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b>Finding a focus.</b> It's been over a year and a half and I still don't know what to focus on. So I've narrowed it down to Animation, storyboarding, character design, illustration, writing, game design, modeling, rigging...ugh. Too much. I still have not found an animation/game design studio that's looking for a jack of all trades and I have no idea what I'd be happy with doing for a living. Honestly, I'd be happy doing any of those things, but you can't really say that in an interview. </p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><b>Dating</b> I've been majorly half assing this one. On the one end I've been telling myself I don't have time to worry about relationships, I need to work on my portfolio, and also that I don't really <i>deserve</i> a relationship until I get a job and an apartment. But on the other end I've been telling myself if something HAPPENS to happen, then that's good too. But somethings happen and then I just let them unhappen. I don't like that. I'm still not sure if I deserve a relationship, but I'd like one, so I'm going to try the whole dating thing, y'know, when I'm not spending all my time looking for work and buffing my portfolio.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px">Those are the things I'm going to work on this year. Is there anything I missed that I desperately need to work on? What are you guys going to work on this year?</p>the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-7862976504598065852010-12-15T23:33:00.000-08:002010-12-15T23:37:41.714-08:00One Chance<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">*WARNING SPOILERS*</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">(If you intend on playing the game "<a href="http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/555181">one chance</a>" on Newgrounds, and want toe full experience, I'd recommend playing it first.)</p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">I'm really depressed right now. I just played a game called "one chance" in which you are told every cell on earth will die in six days and you only have one chance. I misread the meaning. I spent five of the days trying to find a cure, passing up opportunities to socialize with friends, go out with a girl to "get a drink", or spend time with my family. All I ever did was spend time trying to find a damn cure. People were dying around me, and then my wife killed herself. On the fifth day, I took my daughter to the park, because no child deserves this, to be left alone. She died that day. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">On the sixth day I drove into the lab and went to work. Completely fruitless, my character closed his eyes and died, alone, in that lab. The worst thing is they really do mean "you only get one chance" because not only is there no replay button, the internet settings save so you can't even reload the page. It's an incredibly haunting image to reload the game in a different browser and see that still image of your character, alone, given up, dead. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">I've never wanted to replay a game so much in my life. I completely misread the design, it wasn't "you have one chance to find a cure", it was "you have one chance to enjoy your life". This is one of the most moving game experiences I've ever had. It wasn't just the idea of only being able to play the game once, or the depressing and disturbing way they drove the narrative, it was deeper than that. It made me realize something about myself. </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">That's exactly how I would approach the situation, using my last dying gasping breath to find a cure to the madness. This has been what I've always been doing since high school and college. I always told myself I would put my work and my art before socializing or friends or parties or girls; I would scoff at people who would blow off homework in favor of going to a club. But in the end, what will my art bring me? What great answer will it give to the world?</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">Not to say I'm going to stop making art and start doing keg stands, but this game made me reevaluate the way I look at life. It forced me to bring my workaholic values into question. THAT is a great game. That is the kind of game I want to make. Overall I'd give it a solid 42 out of 43.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">So let's see what we've learned:</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">A) I am now saddened</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">B) I am jealous and want to make a game as good as this</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">C) I have to force myself to enjoy life more</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica">This has been kind of rambly without purpose. I just felt the need to write after playing this game. I highly recommend playing it. Don't make the same mistakes I did.</p><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/555181">http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/555181</a></div>the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-18475668807501156102010-10-20T13:22:00.000-07:002010-10-20T20:07:10.652-07:00Sticky Note System<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjQ5H8ZW_PVMRNwiPQBKXM1jRHG2kBuoLQBo6CBV0CqlQTyd33gwYT0IjcDEZjyPMLTPKdqG4gFiX5m13BxPMeayzAX23eKkvgxrmGJGgs-ZJAUVuXOLWryXw2KHvp-n5-FzDJXJDKYA/s1600/sticky01.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 221px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjQ5H8ZW_PVMRNwiPQBKXM1jRHG2kBuoLQBo6CBV0CqlQTyd33gwYT0IjcDEZjyPMLTPKdqG4gFiX5m13BxPMeayzAX23eKkvgxrmGJGgs-ZJAUVuXOLWryXw2KHvp-n5-FzDJXJDKYA/s400/sticky01.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5530329786855173330" /></a><p class="MsoNormal">I think I’ve finally mastered my Sticky Note System and I thought I should share it. I started it in College so I would remember all the homework I had to do in my 5 or 6 classes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ve kept it and evolved it and I think I finally have a good solid system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It helps me get stuff done and add structure to my routine, so maybe it can help you too!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is helpful to artists with lots of projects, or students with homework assignments. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">NOTE: not for the stanch conservationist as this uses A LOT of paper, until I can find a computer program to do exactly what I want it to do(If anyone knows of such a program, message me).</p> <p class="MsoNormal">First, there are five main boards: <b>What to do for the week</b><span style="font-weight:normal">, </span><b>what to do for the day</b><span style="font-weight:normal">, </span><b>done for the week, Projects</b><span style="font-weight:normal">, and the </span><b>Backburner</b><span style="font-weight:normal">(also I have a books board, but that’s only if you read a lot).</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The <b>Projects</b><span style="font-weight:normal"> board is just an overall list of projects I have, it may or may not be needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I have it because I have a huge list of ongoing projects. </span><b>What to do for the week</b><span style="font-weight:normal"> is a list of all your projects that you plan to do for that week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span><b>What to do for the day</b><span style="font-weight:normal"> is a list of tasks you plan to do for that day. </span><b>Done for the week</b><span style="font-weight:normal"> I have split up into the 5 days of the week, and whenever you complete a task or project, you put the sticky on the according day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I find this useful for seeing how productive I was on each day, and I don’t include weekends; that’s my off time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span><b>Backburne</b><span style="font-weight:normal">r is a list of tasks or projects you didn’t complete that day or week, although this has turned into my “Things that will never ever get done” board.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So if you have a lot of stickeys on here, try to force a couple each week.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Next are the Sticky notes themselves. I use 5 different colors: Yellow, Purple, Green, Pink, and Blue.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also, each has a certain point value(This can be useful if you want to use a rewards system, but you’ll have to figure out what your point average is before setting a goal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>On a normal day I clear 20 points, and on a good day I do more than 30, so I made TV a reward for 20 and videogames a reward for 30.).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yellow is for menial tasks, chores, and little reminders, such as doing the dishes, cleaning your room, taking out the trash, going to the bank, etc. These get 1 point.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Purple are for small tasks that are important but not necessarily huge projects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Theses are things like doing a daily comic, watching a tutorial, reading a chapter in a book, practicing backgrounds, etc. These are worth 3 points.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Green and pink are tasks associated with major projects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When you have a major project like doing an animation, you can’t just put one sticky that says, “do animation”, that’s too vague.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You have to break it up into smaller tasks that can be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">I usually break them down into tasks that can be completed in an hour or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>A breakdown could be something like: write idea, do research, do character designs, do background designs, do storyboards, create animatic, animate keyframes, animate inbetweens, clean up and titles(depending on how big the animation that is).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>These stickys are worth 5 points.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Blue are reserved for the major projects themselves and are worth 10 points, so when you complete a huge project, you get to see how much you’ve done. Major projects could be homework assignments. Books to read, art projects, etc.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">You can see pictures here of how I have it set up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I place the main project sticky at the top with al the task stickys underneath.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHFW_XTo08I3eajnVOgLu6G26Wpah_7AJOudL1WYza4Lc4I0TWSycBbPnSabHZC_O2XTiuRWFpkZ7hFs7gT51mp_saT9CQeyOM8vUL1WVXqpY330Pm7t94r-Cs1bab_WLoEgzyw6wMyA/s400/sticky02.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5530329787310697042" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px; " /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq5P166Xzjea_rJ-fWodqnpyovU3M4rdbSQmBJUX203b9rGaSolM_cn0sttVf-CD87KhPkMzXrwtvJZAp41NH1bdPZMjXT7Uo8_kIvM4tFyn-sjU3-lQw255qc7q3pEWWKfP2tVN8PYg/s1600/sticky03.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq5P166Xzjea_rJ-fWodqnpyovU3M4rdbSQmBJUX203b9rGaSolM_cn0sttVf-CD87KhPkMzXrwtvJZAp41NH1bdPZMjXT7Uo8_kIvM4tFyn-sjU3-lQw255qc7q3pEWWKfP2tVN8PYg/s400/sticky03.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5530329780366993506" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 338px; height: 400px; " /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4jFyP27EIhyOOLSafszw2Ub4mCLuPgTd5xGJNGytP2oQYhJ6zcxE0PUPEq-I0nzTkON0MbwsbLMkQnxxh_cuiHRmDVqee8CMDE3imujw3cyoy2HR_yaEqmA0-XzlQ1NQEyQ18WtJGA/s1600/sticky04.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4jFyP27EIhyOOLSafszw2Ub4mCLuPgTd5xGJNGytP2oQYhJ6zcxE0PUPEq-I0nzTkON0MbwsbLMkQnxxh_cuiHRmDVqee8CMDE3imujw3cyoy2HR_yaEqmA0-XzlQ1NQEyQ18WtJGA/s400/sticky04.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5530329776187477346" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 291px; " /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitiCZR0m_hZFB6c3T0nqo4N9Y4hPFG96mCG3e0BHQJogEGiKKg_eozs1ZPJWbNiE4dVuWykXrcjKBmojfnzgO0tbt8c8ARhhcl11rwp_J9N4gm-zyxOq9tkbswRxYI0ZpCd9YnlWufRQ/s1600/sticky05.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitiCZR0m_hZFB6c3T0nqo4N9Y4hPFG96mCG3e0BHQJogEGiKKg_eozs1ZPJWbNiE4dVuWykXrcjKBmojfnzgO0tbt8c8ARhhcl11rwp_J9N4gm-zyxOq9tkbswRxYI0ZpCd9YnlWufRQ/s400/sticky05.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5530329773035075730" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 307px; height: 400px; " /></a></p><div><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal">(the cards are for something completely different, they represent all the contacts I’ve met.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I usually have 6 projects or so per week, and I put 12 tasks to do a day(although I rarely do that much).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When the week’s over, I discard them all(when you have them all in your hand, you can really see how much you did that week).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Since it’s a system you did yourself, it’s hard to cheat yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I don’t put anything too easily done or give myself points I didn’t earn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What’s the point? Don’t you want to feel like you’ve accomplished something?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I hope this helps anyone who’s looking for a structured way to get stuff done!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Writing this article gives me 3 points. Go me. </p> <!--EndFragment-->the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-79194809916993307422010-10-05T18:56:00.000-07:002010-10-05T19:03:32.150-07:00My 10 Tips for Facebook Dating<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;">A guy friends a girl he wants to go out with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>A girl chats with a guy who seems like boyfriend material.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It happens all the time and it’s completely normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I just wanted to give you my top ten tips on dating when it comes to Facebook(although some may work with online dating in general, or perhaps even real life!).</p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><br /></p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="1" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Know the difference between general interest and romantic interest</b><span style="font-weight:normal"><o:p></o:p></span></li> </ol> <p class="MsoNormal"> Just because she LOL’d at your comment does not mean she wants to sleep with you<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">(although sometimes it does)</span>. And just because he comments on all your photos doesn’t mean he wants to be your new BF<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">(although sometimes it does)</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">There are so many times when people start talking and they misread signals because a someone is just being friendly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If she ‘liked’ that one comment you posted, don’t read into it. If she gives you her phone number after talking over facebook chat several times, then you can call home.</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="2" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Don’t friend your friend’s friends<o:p></o:p></b></li> </ol> <p class="MsoNormal"><b> </b>Gosh that’s fun to say.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But seriously, don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I’m not talking about someone who you have 10 mutual friends and who you probably met in a class and just don’t remember, I’m talking about that cute girl who is obviously best friends with your mate form class that you’ve never met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s creepy and they will think it’s creepy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They will asking, “why is he friending me?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Not to mention pissing off the friend of the person you’re friending; it just looks like you’re using that person to get to all the hot people on their friendslist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The exceptions to this is if A) you’ve met the person in real life, it was a positive interaction, and they want to get to know you more, B) you find yourself exchanging comments and likes over your mutual friend’s posts and you both want to cut out the middle man to talk, or C) if your friend introduces you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Otherwise, it just looks like you’re friending random hot people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Speaking of which…</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="3" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Don’t friend random people (unless you have a good reason)</b><span style="font-weight:normal"><o:p></o:p></span></li> </ol> <p class="MsoNormal"> Some people think it’s weird to just go out and friend strangers, but I for one have made numerous good friends of people I’ve met in groups or through friends, or just randomly. I consider it acceptable as long as you have a good reason, and no, thinking their pics are hot doesn’t count.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Having mutual interests, liking their clothing/art style, liking their sense of humor or their links and posts, does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">Actually, this is similar to real dating, because you can’t just date someone because they’re hot, you have to like something about their character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Plus, anyone can be hot these days with the right photoshop filters. Now having said that…</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="4" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Don’t start dating someone unless you’re sure you’re attracted to them</b></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m not saying anything about beauty, or that you should only date supermodels. Attraction has to do with what <i>you</i><span style="font-style:normal"> like and what </span><i>you’re</i><span style="font-style:normal"> attracted to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There are a lot of beautiful ladies I know that I’m just not attracted to because they’re not my style or type.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What I am saying is don’t get too involved with someone before you know what you’re getting into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-style:normal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>I would highly recommend not getting to much into sexual talk with someone who doesn’t have pictures up, because there’s nothing like falling in love with the idea of someone and then meeting up and getting taken completely by surprise(especially if you made a point of saying looks don’t matter to you). Which brings up possibly my most important tip that should be taken with ALL online dating…</span></p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="5" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Meet up as soon as possible<o:p></o:p></b></li> </ol> <p class="MsoNormal"><b> </b>I’ve been guilty of this more than once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As soon as one of you suggest meeting up and hanging out(and the other agrees this is a good idea), meet up within the week if you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You need to find out if you two are really compatible and can stand each other; this cannot be found out on the internet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>The longer you prolong a meet up, one of two things will happen: it will get more and more sexual in which case there’s a big chance that you’ll meet up, find out it doesn’t work, and then it’s too late to end it nicely, or one or both of you will get bored and the relationship will die out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If you meet up and you both realize it won’t work out for whatever reason, the both of you can still be friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If you meet and it turns out well, then hey, you can make out in real time rather than making :* faces at each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There’s an important addendum to this:</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="6" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Don’t start dating someone 5 states away</b></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal">Seriously, what do you think will happen?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>One of you is going to hop on a plane and fly down every other weekend?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Why would you knowingly enter into a relationship like that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I know this is the information age and you can have skype sex with girls in Bangladesh if you want, but if you know she’s in another country before hand, it’s best to just stay friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>I would say the most you should have to go to meet up is a long car ride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Otherwise, you’ll both tell each other you’ll visit, then neither of you will, then one or both of you will realize you can have your needs met very easily somewhere much closer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So if you’re a guy in Arizona and you found this really beautiful gamer chick in Alaska, what can I say but…</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="7" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>There are other fish in the sea</b></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal">Because, yes, we do live in the information age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So if you meet a girl and she’s cute but she hates anime, or you met someone on a train and you friended them only to find out they’re already married, or the girl you’ve been posting comments to just doesn’t get your kind of humor, or the girl you were holding off asking out suddenly went from “single” to “it’s complicated”, let it go because quite literally, you will find someone else. I really don’t understand why people STILL get hung up on others<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">(ok I do, but move on)</span> when they could so easily be perusing facebook(or any number of other online sites really) for other prospective partners!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Which brings me to my next point…</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="8" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Don’t stalk people</b></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal">Unless the other party stalks you back and it becomes a mutual stalking, otherwise, just don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But you don’t stalk people, right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">FACT: 72% of facebook users stalk friends without even knowing it<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">(not a real fact)</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Do you: Comment and like every single one of their posts?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Go through their extensive photo library and like and comment on their hottest picks with comments like “Ur so sexxxxy”? Do you even comment on conversations they’re having on other people’s walls? You may be a stalker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> Now I’m not saying you should completely ignore them, but try to keep the comments to a minimum. Comment only as much as you would comment any other friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And don’t comment for the sake of commenting, actually have a good reason or funny quip for doing so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Don’t be one of the ten guys that likes a girl’s new sexy photo, be the one guy she has a meaningful conversation with and gives her IM name to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But then, a little stalking can go a long way…</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="9" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Don’t ask stupid questions</b></li></ol> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m not sure about anyone else, but when someone asks me questions that are clearly on my Facebook info page, I get really annoyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Really? It’s that hard to see what college I graduated from?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>No, I’m not going back on my previous entry about stalking, but you should at least scan the info page(after you’ve freinded them of course) before asking the most general of questions to start a conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"></span>And by doing so, you’ll have a better conversation!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“Oh I see you like MGMT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What do you think of their new work?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Also, don’t get mad if someone doesn’t memorize every you single thing you like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s really hard to remember sometimes whether someone is “single” or “in a relationship”.</p> <ol style="margin-top:0in" start="10" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><b>Facebook dating is not a substitution for real dating<o:p></o:p></b></li> </ol> <p class="MsoNormal"><b> </b>Let me explain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s fine if you met someone on facebook you really like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s fine if you get really into each other before you even meet up(well not if you follow my tips). It’s fine if you start sexting each other and plan out in detail what you’re going to do with each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But when you finally do meet up, don’t expect to copulate right there in Grand Central.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Just because you talked about it over the Internet doesn’t mean you just skipped that whole, “getting used to each other a.k.a. going on a date” thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You still need to prove that you’re a sane human and that you are the person you typed you are, and that both of you have something more in common than the love of sexting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So yes guys, even though you wooed her with your snarky quips, You still need to woo her in real life.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well I hope these tips help you in your scandalous facebook affairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Do you disagree with any of them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What should I add or take away?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What are your tips for facebook dating?<o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-76791381483520563092010-08-13T11:06:00.000-07:002010-08-13T11:15:26.836-07:00Waiting for Joseph Varnhein<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This is a short piece of fiction I just wrote entitled <i>Waiting for Joseph Varnhein</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';">. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">I hope you enjoy it!</span></span></span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>I read all his books, and he wasn’t even there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>All seven of his amazing books in the Gatsby Starship Series, all of his short stories(even the one with the tentacles he said he only did for the money), his biography, his autobiography, and I even signed up on that thing know as Twitter just to get his inspirational quotes every week or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I drove three hours out of my way, in the car kept together by Duct Tape, in my dirty white Stop N’ Save shirt just to wait on line, just to see his face, just to get a squiggle that barely resembles the beautiful words, “Joseph Varnhein” on a book to battered to remember its creator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>And he wasn’t even there.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>A few fans were standing around, arguing over whether Tabatha really died in the fifth book and whether the second was better than the fourth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The Borders patrons were walking around as if nothing had happened, as if Gods walked around them daily. There was one guy dressed in tin foil and wire that really made a good Drasnick from the third book. I tried to figure out what had happened to the man I joined the Twitter for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He was here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He wasn’t here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He was here, but then he left, but he’ll be coming back in a Cadillac, so don’t worry.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The point was that he was not here now and I was standing with an unsquiggled-on book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was probably about time I took care of the bladder problem I had been holding for the last forty-five minutes anyway.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>I was standing at the urinal with my back to the door, watching my urine create a city of bubbles when I heard the creaking of another visitor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He shuffled straight past me and headed to the middle stall. I only caught a glimpse of him through the corner of my eye, but I saw the brown blazer and the gray mustache, and that was all I needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That was Joseph Varnhein.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>The stream instantly cut off.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was petrified. Dare I peak in the crease between the stall door and wall and risk bursting into flames at witnessing the holy of holies?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>Crazy idea the first: Jump over the stall, snap a quick picture with the phone I never use, and blackmail him into coming to my house and signing every book in his series.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>Crazy idea the second: crawl under the stall and hand him both a pen and a book without looking.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>I could do neither of these.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I stood and listened. Just to listen to Joseph Varnhein would be enough. There was a rustling of toilet paper being pulled and carefully placed down. Of course he’s a careful man. I’m surprised they don’t have a fur seat cover waiting for him with the letters of his name outlined in gold.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>There’s a shuffling of shoes, and a fiddling of the belt buckle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I don’t know why, of course Joseph Varnhein wears pants, I just never imagined him with a belt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Not that it isn’t obviously a practical way to keep one’s pants up, it’s just the clickity clack of the buckle unhinging from the notch is such a normal familiar sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I suppose I would have pictured fairies holding up and lightly dropping his pants for him, but I suppose that’s just a little much.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>And then there is nothing but his breathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I could never envision Joseph Varnhein breathing like that. One could scarcely envision Joseph Varnhein breathing at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Do gods breathe? Do heroes breathe?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I guess they have to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s a deep nasally intake, just a bit raspy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s long and slow and a paints a picture of his lungs filling with oxygen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He doesn’t remind me of my grandfather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He reminds me of all the old people sitting around my grandfather, with walkers and breathing mechanisms, watching Alex Trabeck on a TV with rabbit ears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>The breathing doesn’t sound human in the emotional sense of the word, not as though you’d envision a brother or a sister or a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s mechanical. This is a Joseph Varnhein breathing machine.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>There is a heaving and a panting and a silent release of gas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I can’t in all conscience picture what this Joseph Varnhein machine is doing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And then there is a plop in the water, a light splash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Two plops. Three. This is the creator of the seven greatest works of literature of all time and something is coming out of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If this were really a Joseph Varnhein machine, I’d like to think that what was going on here was the creative process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Three little ideas just dropped into the water and are floating there, waiting to be used. Four. But I realize I’ve been standing at a urinal for the past two minutes, holding my genitals, and this can not possibly be anything related to writing an epic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>I zipped up and walked over to the sink to fill my hands with soap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It is only after I’m standing with my hands under the sorry excuse for a wind machine that I realized I’d forgotten to flush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>One does not forget to flush in the presence of Joseph Varnhein, no matter what process he’s in the middle of completing. I had to walk over and shamefully pull the plunger. And then of course I had to wash my hands again because one must be clean in the presence of Joseph Varnhein.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>And I waited. I’ve read all his books and all his short stories and I drove three hours out of my way to listen to this machine release gas, and I wasn’t about to leave without knowing whether this is really Joseph Varnhein or not. Because there’s always the chance the creator of the battered and now slightly wet tome I’m holding does not share the same identity as the man that is in that stall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>A very good chance.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>There was a flush, and the familiar sound of the belt buckle again. He unlocked the stall, and walked out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There was a moment of awkward silence as we both stared at each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I gave him the weakest smile I had while hiding the book behind my back.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He shot a quick smile back, and then he left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I didn’t ask him to squiggle on my book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I didn’t run after him and ask him about the riddle of the squid in the fifth book, which had been bothering me for four years; I just stood there and continued to wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Because that was not Joseph Varnhein.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>Joseph Varnhein would not have made those noises and sounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Joseph Varnhein would not have made those breathing noises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Joseph Varnhein would have had a much more serene creative process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Joseph Varnhein would have washed his hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Joseph Varnhein would have been great, and that was not Jospeph Varnhein.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I kept waiting. But he didn’t come.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></span>I read all his books and he wasn’t even there.</p> <!--EndFragment-->the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-55539584136316832142010-07-20T16:28:00.000-07:002010-07-20T16:32:53.009-07:00Why I would never make a Spider-Man Game<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">“LIES!” you say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“How could you even think such a slanderous thing?!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Well ok, I might consider it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But here’s why I’d rather have my own character in an original videogame.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">You can’t make him dance</span></b><span style="font-weight:normal"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">You’re using someone else’s pre-made character instead of your own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That character comes with baggage: his own ways of doing things, his own quips, his own reasons, his own backstory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It would be like playing D&D with someone else’s character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“I want Broahan the Wise to slit that Goblin’s throat.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“What?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You can’t do that!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Broahan the Wise would never do such a thing!!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This already used, already established character has a certain way of doing things, and there’s no way you can change that, because that’s what defines the character.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">This is also the reason why people say Batman is the least interesting character in the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Batman will never go over the edge and murder someone, he’ll always have his parents killed and have a need to avenge them, he’ll always have the need to dress up like a bat, and he’ll never say, “Nah, I’ll take a break from crime fighting tonight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The crooks can arrest themselves.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And to meander from these traits would not be Batman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>How could Batman not be Batman?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>His villains, on the other hand, have a little bit more leeway, and the game/cartoon/movie/comic creators always have the opportunity of creating a new one.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Everyone will hate you</span><o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Why did we all hate Spider-Man in Spider-Man 3(Let’s not get into the fact that they had too many villains with too little screen time)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He was acting the way Spider-Man would never act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Peter Parker would never strut down the sidewalk provocatively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Peter Parker would never break into a jazz number.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Peter Parker would never do a sassy hair flip at J. Jonah Jameson (No seriously, WTF Pete?!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Peter Parker would never kiss another random girl when he’s already dating a super model.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Wasn’t that what you were thinking when you watched that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They messed with an established character. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Now, if they had made a film about Super Duper Arachno Man©, all those things could have been believable because it was a new character.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In fact, if they had gone that route, all those things could have looked like they were mocking the established character of Spiderman, as <i>Kick-Ass</i><span style="font-style:normal"> did so wonderfully.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">It’s all been done before</span><o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Characters like Spider-Man and Batman have been around a long time, so any “new” idea you may have for that character(that would fit with that character and in that universe) has probably already been done before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He’s had a girlfriend, he’s been married, he’s had his unborn child murdered, he’s been in an alternate reality where he does have a kid, he’s had clones, he’s has secret robot parents, what more do you want to do to the poor guy?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Make your own character</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">You don’t want to write fan-fiction all your life, do you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>By making your own character instead of using an already existing one, you can make him richer and fuller than any pre-established character. Don’t make an exact carbon copy, just enough to pay some homage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Give him enough unique touches to make him an interesting and rich character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Maybe Super Duper Arachno Man© is a huge tool and gives everyone a sassy hair flick because the Super Duper Archno Radiation© that gave him his powers also gave him incurable cancer and he has to get in all the sassy hair flicks he can!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Interesting yes, but could you ever see that as storyline for Spider-Man?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Which makes it even better in a game or animation, you’ve just made something unique that no one else could have seen coming.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Super Duper Arachno Man©2010</span><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-76634059154039579102010-07-13T18:30:00.000-07:002010-07-13T18:33:34.039-07:00A Strategic Use of Swearing or What the F@#$?!<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Profanity is an important tool in any artist’s tool belt. Whether it’s movies, games, novels, or plays, dirty language needs to be carefully considered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Some authors abstain from swearing because they feel it’s juvenile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Others swear every other word to feel natural.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I am neither arguing for the use of swearing or arguing against it, but merely suggesting a smart way of considering whether or not you should.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">And before we go any further: Ass, Fuck, Bitch, Bastard, Cunt, Damn, Hell, Balls, Meekrab.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>To curse or to hold your tongue<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">In some instances, it makes dialogue feel more natural and situations feel more realistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Because in real life, we curse all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When we stub our pinky toe on the corner of the coffee table, when we just realize our significant other has his or tongue down another’s throat, when we get hit by a blue shell while playing Mario Cart, we swear. A lot. But as discussed below, it doesn’t mean every other word should use a swear.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But then, there are a lot of instances where swearing isn’t needed at all, and the writing still looks realistic and full of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If you’re writing something from the past(1800’s, 1920’s, middle ages), it’s more realistic if you don’t swear(also consider the curses of the time. There was a time when <i>Zounds!</i><span style="font-style:normal"> was synonymous with damn).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I would go so far as to recommend not swearing if you’re just starting out, or at least trying a pg script first; finding new ways to express, “Fuck!” will make you a better writer.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>Why is it so bad?</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Why is swearing such a big deal?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Why did we feel so dirty exclaiming, “Crud!” when we were kids?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Swearing is a forbidden language.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>Why do we do it?<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But why do we swear in the first place?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Because, first, we want to insult someone or curse the situation but we’re too flustered or frustrated to express what we’re feeling with the right words or come up with something more hyperbolic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s much easier to say “Fuck you Asshole!” than to say, “Sir, that was completely unprofessional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your use of language concerning my weight and dietary habits was completely out of line, and I think you a buffoon for doing so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You are a horrible human being, and I wish you the worst torment imaginable for such actions.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Second, we’re so angry we want to use a word, or string of words, that we feel would do harm to the person or thing causing us pain. “You stupid fuck-monkey!” Yeah, that’s right, you called him a fuck-monkey. He’ll think twice about getting your coffee order wrong now.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>How to use it for comedic value<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">This can be hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There is no straight “swear” or “don’t swear” rule in comedy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The basic rule is to do what the audience is least expecting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Sometimes it’s incredibly funny to hear children swear at certain occasions because it’s the opposite of what you’d expect a child to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Other times, a grown man who swears like a drunken Sailor on Crack might have his next words be, “Oh my dear lord!” because that would be the least likely thing to come out of his mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It has that effect of the character experiencing something so incredible, it’s beyond regular swearing capacity. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s best to use it where it will have the most impact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If you have a character that swears like a sailor, juxtapose him with characters that never utter a dirty word, or cringe at his foul mouth. Your curse might burst from the mouth of a character that has been holding it in the entire adventure waiting for the wrong moment to explode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Or perhaps it’s used wrong on purpose by characters that aren’t worldly enough to have smarter language.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>How to not use swearing</b><span style="font-weight:normal"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Swearing is not a meaningful character trait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yes, I’m looking at you <i>Gears of War.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></i><span style="font-style:normal">Your characters do not look full and rich if all they have going for them is putting “fuck” and “shit” five times in every sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It doesn’t look smart or realistic, just lazy. Especially if ALL of the character swear the exact amount and in the same way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b>Best use of swearing</b><span style="font-weight:normal"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The best use of swearing is when you get the idea of swearing, the feel of swearing, without actually using a swear at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><i>Fantastic Mr. Fox</i><span style="font-style:normal"> did a wonderful job of this by implanting the word “cuss” in place of every swear word that would have been there.” “Are you cussing at me?” “Don’t cuss at me!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What the cuss is going on?!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This is a great way of expressing the feel of a forbidden word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Another good example is from </span><i>Mystery Team </i><span style="font-style:normal">where the main characters are juvenile, so to them, shouting, “Gumballs!” and “Chinese Checkers!” are the worst curses they can muster.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I hope this fucking helps in your god forsaken piece of shit script! <o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-15194205797145471242009-07-03T00:40:00.000-07:002009-07-03T00:41:19.509-07:00The Hilton and the Pea<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">A narrator walks to the middle of the stage.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">NARRATOR</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Once upon a time there lived a prince who wanted to marry a real princess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He traveled the world and found many a fair damsel, but knew not which ones were real and which ones were not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>One stormy night, there came a knock on the door of the castle.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The king answered himself and found to his surprise a fair damsel in a terrible way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She claimed to be a real princess, but how were they to know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The Queen mother had a grand idea. She went into the bedroom in where the princess was to stay, took off the bed sheets, placed a pea upon the mattress, then layered the bed with twenty mattresses and twenty quilts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“We shall see in the morning,” said the Queen mother, “whether or not this princess is true.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">The NARATOR exits the stage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The curtains rise to reveal a royal dining room where the KING and QUEEN are eating breakfast.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(in a jovial mood)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well my queen, wasn’t that a horrible storm last night?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I could barely hear myself snore!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(looking up at the ceiling every so often as if trying to see to the second floor)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, I could hear you snoring just fine, so I dare say you couldn’t have lost that much sleep over it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I do wonder how that girl is doing, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She seemed rather odd to me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh come now!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You’re suspicious of every girl that passes through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I thought she was a rather charming girl.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">PARIS HILTON walks into the dining room with a disheveled look about her. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(yawning heavily)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">OMG!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I am like…so starving right now…you wouldn’t even believe it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(jovially, motioning to the servants to bring her food)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Come!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Come!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Sit down!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Eat! Tell us, my good lady, how did you sleep last night?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Was the bed comfy enough to suit a princess’s needs?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS HILTON</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(sitting at table as servant brings food, explaining rather emotionally)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It wasn’t even!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>O…M…G, it was so totally not comfortable and junk!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I was like…tossing and turning all night…and then this big rat comes up and like…starts talking to me and stuff!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And I’m all like…WTF?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">The KING gives the QUEEN a decisive nod. QUEEN stares at PARIS with perplexed look.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS HILTON</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I totally wasn’t sleeping a wink.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I was like, whateves…and I just like, went to stay in John’s room and junk.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">QUEEN drops her fork mid-bite; the KING coughs on his drink.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(aghast) </p> <p class="MsoNormal">You…you slept in the prince’s room?!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS HILTON</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yeah, no, it was totally cool and junk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He is such a sweaty!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And…OMG…those abs?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal">You slept…IN THE PRINCE’S ROOM?!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">PRINCE walks into the dining room table with no shirt on and a glazed over contented look about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS HILTON</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(looking at PRINCE seductively)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Hey hot stuff.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">PRINCE bends down, kisses PARIS’s cheek, then takes a seat at the table between the QUEEN and PARIS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>QUEEN is still aghast, KING is trying to regain composure.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(awkwardly jovial)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So…my son…how did you sleep last night?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PRINCE</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(looking from KING to PARIS with a pleased look)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sleep?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal">OH MY GOD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>JOHN, DO NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE HAD RELATIONS OUTSIDE OF WEDLOCK!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal">OMG!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Don’t have a shoe or whatever!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>We totally didn’t do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was totally fine and junk.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(pauses mid-bite to think a moment)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wait…John, what’s wedlock?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(screaming now)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">OH MY GOD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OHMYGOD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>STEPHEN!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM ABOUT THIS?!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(awkwardly)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well, I’m just glad that…our son has finally found someone he can be happy with.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">JOHN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(chucking, smiling dumbly)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yeah.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal">See John?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Your dad is like, a total sweaty.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">PARIS gives a longing look at the KING, who pretends not to notice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The QUEEN looks perplexedly from PARIS to the KING and back again several times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Her look turns to horror.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(staring at king in rage)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh…my God!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OHMYGOD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>STEPHEN!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>YOU…YOU…YOU SAID YOU WERE GETTING A DRINK OF WATER!!!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(chuckling)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Some drink of water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It’s good to be the king.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And junk.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PRINCE</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(questioningly)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(defensively)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">No!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I was!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I…I was thirsty!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I…I…</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(eating calmly)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">LOL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yeah, no, it’s totally cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I do that sorta thing like…all the time and junk.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(still screaming)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">YEAH!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>NO!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>IT IS NOT TOTALLY COOL!! AND JUNK!!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(rolling her eyes)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Like…don’t have a shoe or whatever.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal">WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>WHO TALKS THAT WAY?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>WHERE DO YOU COME FROM THAT PEOPLE TALK THAT WAY?!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">JOHN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(now also aghast)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wait…did you…you bedded my father?!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(brushing it off)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">No, sillikens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I just sucked his cock a little…and stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>No biggie. </p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(throwing plate in KING’s direction)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Get out of my house!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>GETOUTOFMYHOUSE!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(finally losing temper)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">WOMAN!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>YOU FORGET WHOSE KINGDOM YOU RESIDE IN!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I AM THE KING AND I WILL LET ANY GIRL I CHOOSE SUCK THE ROYAL COCK!!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Stephen!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You are a…a…</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(laughing as if suddenly hit by something funny)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oh my God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Stephen King.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I just got that. Sooooo funny.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal">YOUNG LADY! YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE WORDS!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">QUEEN gets up quickly and drags PARIS away off stage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>PRINCE with a disgruntled look, looks from door to KING and back again.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PRINCE</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Did she…did she do that thing where…</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(makes gesture with hand)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">KING</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(pleased)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yes she did.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PRINCE</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(also pleased)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That was good.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">They both turn their heads toward the door as they can hear the QUEEN moaning.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(off stage)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Oooooooh…OOOOOOOOOOH!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>AH!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>EEEEEEE!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OH.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ah ah ah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OOOOOOOOOHHH.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OH MY GOD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OHMYGOD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OOOH, OOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>AH AH AH AH! AAAAAAAH!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">The QUEEN screams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There is a long pause, then the QUEEN walks back in, disheveled, with a drained look about her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She sits back down and starts breathing heavily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>PARIS walks in after her, wipes something from her mouth, sits down, and starts eating again.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">QUEEN</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">(out of breath)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She can stay.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">KING, QUEEN, and PRINCE sigh and slump down in their seats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Lights dim until there is only a light on PARIS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>A Phone rings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It is PARIS’s cell phone, which she picks up and answers.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center">PARIS</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Hello?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Oh hi sweaty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>No…yeah no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>OMG!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There was like a witch and she tied me up, and she was totally going to eat me and junk, and, yeah!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And I was all like WTF?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know, totally!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yeah no the woodsman was a total hottie.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>No I’m at this castle place and it’s totally cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>No you should.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>No you should!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Nicole don’t be a bitch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Ok I love you too sweaty, buh bye!</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:3.0in">PARIS clicks phone closed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Light goes off.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"> <o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-37876988585733361322009-06-28T21:12:00.000-07:002009-06-28T22:47:31.481-07:00excerpts from rantings of a dead chameleon<div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">Here are a few excerpts from my new play: Rantings of a Dead Chameleon. It's about a depressed player. If you're interested in reading the full play, feel free to email me.<br /></div><br /><br />JACK<br />(smiling and jumpy, a bit drunkenly)<br />Okay, okay…stop moving! Okay…for this exercise this man over here is going to represent your thought processes and the woman over there is going to represent this fine young lady’s thought processes…just for posterity’s sake. We’ll call the man representing Mike’s mind Steve, and the woman representing the brunette’s mind Susan. Annnnnnd…go!<br /><br />MIKE<br />Uhhhh…hi. <br /><br />STEVE<br />Don’t look at her breasts, don’t look at her breasts, don’t look at her breast…crap! I looked at her breasts!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />Did he just look at my breasts?<br /><br />STEVE<br />Well what do you want from me?! They’re just hanging out there for the whole world to see!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />Pig!<br /><br />JACK<br />Hey! No interacting with each other! You’re not psychics damn it!<br /><br />STEVE AND SUSAN TOGETHER<br />Sorry.<br /><br />MIKE<br />So…ah…how are you doing?<br /><br />BRUNETTE<br />I’m okay. <br /><br />SUSAN<br />God I hope my tampon didn’t fall out! (STEVE winces) And I am so tired right now, why did I even bother coming out? (exasperated sigh) I just need a couple shots and someone to dance with!<br /><br />BRUNETTE<br />(smiling)<br />How are you?<br /><br />MIKE<br />Oh, I’m pretty good.<br /><br />STEVE<br />Motherfucking cunt balls I’m nervous. God, she’s soo gorgeous. What am I even going to say to her? Think of something funny to say…uhhhh fuck!<br /><br />MIKE<br />So you ah…come here often?<br /><br />STEVE<br />Oh God, real original. Why can’t I ever come up with something original and funny to say?<br /><br />JACK<br />(tiredly again)<br />Stop worrying about it. It really doesn’t matter what you say to her. It’s how you say it.<br /><br />SUSAN<br />Wow, this guy is sooo awkward. I wonder if he has a nice ass…<br /><br />BRUNETTE<br />Ummm…no, I don’t come here that often. I’m usually too busy working. <br /><br />STEVE<br />Crap! What do I say now?! Okay she has to work so…<br /><br />MIKE<br />Where do you work?<br /><br />STEVE<br />Okay, awesome. Ball’s in her court.<br /><br />JACK<br />I cannot believe you just though that.<br /><br />SUSAN<br />He wants to know where I work? God! Why does everyone define me by my job?! My job is so boring! I hate it so much!<br /><br />BRUNETTE<br />I’m an accountant.<br /><br />MIKE<br />Oh that’s cool.<br /><br />STEVE<br />Crap crap crap! What am I gonna say about that?! Stop looking at her boobs!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />Why would he think that’s cool? What could possibly be cool about being an accountant? And why does he keep staring at my breasts? Is that the only reason he’s talking to me?<br /><br />STEVE<br />Should I make a joke or something? Maybe I should make a joke. Girls like jokes right? Okay think of something funny…think of something funny…<br /><br />MIKE<br />Wow, an accountant. You must crunch alotta numbers, huh?<br /><br />STEVE<br />Wait, what did I just say?! I didn’t mean that! Take it back! There are take backs right?!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />Crunch alotta numbers?! What the hell does that even mean?! Tell me what the hell that means!!<br /><br />STEVE<br />I don’t know what it means! It just came out!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />STOP STARING AT MY BOOBS!<br /><br />STEVE<br />I CAN’T HELP IT! THEY’RE LIKE TWO RIPE MELONS GLISTENING IN THE NIGHT SKY!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!!<br /><br />STEVE<br />I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE!!!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />I HAVE TO GET OUTTA HERE!<br /><br />BRUNETTE<br />(politely)<br />Oh, I think I see my friends over there. It was nice talking to you.<br /><br />MIKE<br />Oh, um, yeah, you too.<br /><br />STEVE<br />WHY DOESN’T ANYONE LOVE ME?!!<br /><br />SUSAN<br />BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING FREAK! <br /><br />BRUNETTE walks away. Both STAGEHANDS are out of breath from screaming. JACK is staring at scene blankly, then finally takes a drink.<br /><br />JACK<br />(nodding)<br />That went well.<br /><br />SUSAN<br />God, I’m so tired.<br /><br />STEVE<br />Yeah, me too. You wanna go get a drink?<br /><br />SUSAN<br />(nodding, smiling, still out of breath)<br />Yeah, sure. That’d be cool.<br /><br />Both STAGEHANDS walk to bar. MIKE stares at JACK expectantly. JACK looks from STAGEHANDS to MIKE.<br /><br />JACK<br />(motioning to stagehands)<br />See! It really is that easy! (starts chuckling, turns into a desperate chuckle)<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /><br />WILL<br />What happened with that cute girl you were dating?<br /><br />JACK<br />I was…it wasn’t working.<br /><br />MIKE<br />Aw man…you had someone? And you dumped her?<br /><br />JACK<br />(a little more drunkenly)<br />No…no I did not…not dump her…because that would mean we were actually…in a relationship…which we weren’t.<br /><br />WILL<br />And why the hell didn’t it work out? You prick.<br /><br />JACK<br />(staring into space for a moment)<br />You want the nice answer or the asshole answer?<br /><br />MIKE<br />Ohhh no…I don’t think I wanna hear this. Tell me the nice answer.<br /><br />JACK<br />(beat, noticing he’s getting drunk)<br />Well…I rushed into it…and I thought I liked her more than I did.<br /><br />MIKE<br />Oh…well that’s not so bad.<br /><br />WILL<br />Yeah? And what’s the asshole answer?<br /><br />JACK<br />(shaking his head, takes a drink)<br />I thought I could be happy with an A cup. I was wrong.<br /><br />MIKE<br />What?! Oh my God!<br /><br />WILL<br />Goddamn it Jack. You really just piss me off sometimes.<br /><br />MIKE<br />So wait, what did you tell her?<br /><br />JACK takes a drink, gets up, motions hand over, cute STAGEHAND sprints over excitedly. JACK looks deep into her eyes with a sad expression, holding her hand.<br /><br />JACK<br />(taking deep breath for anticipation)<br />Listen. You’re a great girl and I don’t wanna lie to you. You can call me an asshole if you want but I…I can’t do this anymore. I thought I was ready, but I’m always comparing you to her and when we’re making love, I’m a thousand miles away. And that’s not fair to you. I know you think I’m this great guy, but…I’m not. I just…I feel like I’m just using you. I’m sorry. I hope we can still be friends. <br /><br />STAGEHAND nods understandingly and smiles.<br /><br />WILL<br />You are so full of shit. <br /><br />JACK<br />(sighs exasperatedly, drops STAGEHAND’S hand)<br />Okay, look. You’re really cute and all, but to be honest, I need me some breastmeat. Y’know, boobies. Jugs. Melons. Hooters. Funbags. Tig ol’ bitties. I thought I didn’t need them…but I do. I really really do. And no, I don’t know why, but if I did, I would tell you, and then I’d go write an article and make millions. I just love lookin’ at them, and squeezin’ them, and feelin’ them, and carressin’ them and suckin’ them and lickin’ them and pinchin’ them and even slappin’ them if the occasion calls for it. Okay? I need to live in hill country and you’re the flat fields. I’m sorry…but I need boobs. What? You think I didn’t try? Oh, I tried, believe me I tried. But I have a picky penis, I realize that now. I tell my penis, “C’mon lil’ buddy! She’s cute, she’s got great legs, a nice ass, and there’s an open door right fuckin’ there.” But my penis is an asshole. He says, “Sorry Jack, but I don’t get outta bed for anything less than a C.” <br /><br />STAGEHAND looks shocked, slaps him across the face, and runs off about to cry. JACK goes back to seat.<br /><br /><br />***<br /><br />JACK<br />(shaking head slowly, blank stare, no smile)<br />I’m not depressed. I’m a white, middle class male living in the United States. I’m fairly good looking, I have a nice job, and I’m probably going to fuck some blonde chick with a nice rack by the end of the week. I am…definitely…not…depressed. (takes a long drink)<br /><br />WILL stares at JACK for a second, then shakes head as he laughs quietly to himself.<br /><br />BECKY<br />(taken aback)<br />Jack, I can’t believe you talk like that!<br /><br />WILL<br />You know what you are? Just a regular WGWP. A white guy with problems. Don’t have to worry about getting’ beat up by any gangs, or getting’ raped, or dyin’ in a war, or starvin’ to death on the streets or just getting’ the basic needs, but still…(smiling) you got problems. Wow man, it must be so hard to be you. (gritting teeth) Got the whole fuckin’ world on your shoulders! <br /><span style="display: block;" id="formatbar_Buttons"><span class="on" style="display: block;" id="formatbar_JustifyCenter" title="Align Center" onmouseover="ButtonHoverOn(this);" onmouseout="ButtonHoverOff(this);" onmouseup="" onmousedown="CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 11);ButtonMouseDown(this);"><img src="img/blank.gif" alt="Align Center" class="gl_align_center" border="0" /></span></span><br /></div>the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-80515432192839955972009-06-28T20:32:00.000-07:002009-06-28T21:04:27.464-07:00Shattered Memories<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">My name is Ben Caxton.<span style=""> </span>I am 35 years of age.<span style=""> </span>My birthday is on the 27<sup>th</sup> of October.<span style=""> </span>I know this information because it is written on my driver's license.<span style=""> </span>I am a police officer, a detective in fact, my badge says so.<span style=""> </span>There is a gun in my pocket and I know how to use it.<span style=""> </span>I am wearing gray pants, gray vest, blue shirt, gray tie, dark overcoat, and brown hat.<span style=""> </span>Other than this, I am sure of nothing.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I am a tall Caucasian male, with blue eyes and light brown hair, or so my mirror tells me.<span style=""> </span>There is a card with the name of a man, a time, date and address in my pocket.<span style=""> </span>I listen to it carefully.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I have disassociate amnesia, or so the woman at the reception desk tells me.<span style=""> </span>She hands me something.<span style=""> </span>I stare at it.<span style=""> </span>It is a small translucent pill bottle with a white cap and a very complex looking name on it filled with tiny capsules.<span style=""> </span>It tells me to take one a day as needed.<span style=""> </span>I listen.<span style=""> </span>Pop one in my mouth and swallow.<span style=""> </span>It tastes beautifully.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">The person who calls himself doctor asks me how I am feeling.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">One word.<span style=""> </span>Numb.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He asks me how I've been doing.<span style=""> </span>I say surviving. <span style=""> </span>I don't tell him about the fog, I barely know him.<span style=""> </span>He frowns.<span style=""> </span>He asks me if I remember anything.<span style=""> </span>One memory.<span style=""> </span>One memory I have a good hard grip on.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">There is a field of grass; endless gray grass with gray flowers.<span style=""> </span>There is a swing.<span style=""> </span>I'm a small boy, in striped gray shirt and gray shorts.<span style=""> </span>I run to the swing and jump on.<span style=""> </span>I call for my mother to push me.<span style=""> </span>She's taking too long.<span style=""> </span>I start myself.<span style=""> </span>I push myself harder, rocking my legs back and forth wildly, going higher and higher.<span style=""> </span>I see a cloud in the sky.<span style=""> </span>It's so close.<span style=""> </span>I reach out my hand to grab it...and let go of the chain.<span style=""> </span>And I fall.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">The earth mockingly scrapes my knee, laughing at my feeble attempts to escape its hold.<span style=""> </span>I cry.<span style=""> </span>My mother arrives.<span style=""> </span>She asks me why I started without her.<span style=""> </span>I say, "but mommy, I wanted to touch the sky."<span style=""> </span>She replies, "oh honey, you can't touch the sky, it's too far away.<span style=""> </span>Look, the clouds are too far gone."<span style=""> </span>Somewhere in the distance a woman laughs.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">It's a very important memory; keep it near my heart often.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He seems displeased.<span style=""> </span>Like I care what someone I've never met before thinks of my problems.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Well, same time next week?"<span style=""> </span>He hands me a card.<span style=""> </span>I take it.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I find myself at a diner, sitting in a booth opposite another man.<span style=""> </span>He says his name is Jack Shade.<span style=""> </span>He wears a porkpie hat. I've always liked porkpie hats. He starts talking about the "good ol' days", when we were both rookies on the force.<span style=""> </span>He laughs.<span style=""> </span>I laugh when he laughs.<span style=""> </span>Trick I learned in a class of human interaction.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Nod your head when someone is talking.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Smile and laugh when they do.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">When they say something, and their eyes light up, look shocked.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">When they look sad, look sad too, say, "Oh, I'm sorry."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Ask how they're doing.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Good class.<span style=""> </span>Funny, the things you remember.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I ask how he's doing.<span style=""> </span>Says same shit different day.<span style=""> </span>Laughs.<span style=""> </span>Laugh with him.<span style=""> </span>Continue talking and laughing about "good ol' days".<span style=""> </span>I don't tell him that I don't remember the "good ol' days".</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He takes a picture out of his pocket, says he found it while scrounging around his old ends.<span style=""> </span>It's an old picture of two rookies looking happy, joking around.<span style=""> </span>I stare at it wondering who they are.<span style=""> </span>There's something written on the back.<span style=""> </span>I smile.<span style=""> </span>I say thanks and stick it in my pocket.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">The man called Jack Shade is fun to be around.<span style=""> </span>I wonder if I've ever met him before as I pop a delicate capsule from a bottle into my mouth.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Files strewn over desk, askew, covering everywhere and everything.<span style=""> </span>Small triangular object is hiding under mess.<span style=""> </span>Its name is "Ben Caxton".<span style=""> </span>I sit down and put my hand through my hair.<span style=""> </span>I start with the top file.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;"><i>Name: Jeremy "the face" Stenson.<span style=""> </span>Serial killer.<span style=""> </span>Has trouble with conforming to normalcy, changes jobs, apartments, names to keep things new.<span style=""> </span>Changes facial features and clothing style to feel different, must enter into relationship as soon as makes new personality.<span style=""> </span>Cannot stand to let old personality live, or anything connecting to it.<span style=""> </span>Soon gets bored, kills identity and anyone in relationship, and moves on to next identity.<span style=""> </span>Switches too fast and too often to catch.<span style=""> </span>Known victims include Katie Shultz, Samantha Perkins, Elizabeth Gregory, Deborah Caxton, Colleen Stevenson, and Ashley Jade.</i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">There is a small note attached to the report which I don't understand:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Listen Caxton, I know this one's personal, but don't get worked up about it.<span style=""> </span>You can't let it consume you.<span style=""> </span>Don't let it turn you into a monster like him.<span style=""> -</span>Commissioner Travist."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">The words seem tangible, why can't I make sense of them?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">There's a pill bottle in my coat pocket.<span style=""> </span>Long and arduous name.<span style=""> </span>Don't know what arduous means.<span style=""> </span>Instructions say take one as needed.<span style=""> </span>Pop two into mouth and disappear into the fog.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I'm in a receptionist's office.<span style=""> </span>She hands me a pill bottle.<span style=""> </span>I stare at it.<span style=""> </span>Confusing name.<span style=""> </span>Filled with white capsules.<span style=""> </span>Pop one in mouth.<span style=""> </span>A card tells me to go in and talk to a man.<span style=""> </span>He asks me how I'm feeling.<span style=""> </span>For some reason I want to keep him happy.<span style=""> </span>I say just fine and dandy.<span style=""> </span>He smiles.<span style=""> </span>Tells joke and laughs.<span style=""> </span>Laugh.<span style=""> </span>I don't tell him about the fog.<span style=""> </span>Why should I?<span style=""> </span>I just met him.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I'm standing on a street corner.<span style=""> </span>I feel around in my pocket and I find a picture of a man and a woman.<span style=""> </span>Happy, smiling, laughing.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">She's pretty.<span style=""> </span>More than pretty, beautiful.<span style=""> </span>Dark wavy hair, beautiful eyes, and that smile, I could stare at that smile for hours.<span style=""> </span>It's a minute before I realize I'm smiling back at her.<span style=""> </span>I feel something in my throat.<span style=""> </span>Close my eyes.<span style=""> </span>Cover them.<span style=""> </span>Something flashes through.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Beautiful laugh</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Dead hand holding photograph</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Smeared pen.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I open them again and find tears.<span style=""> </span>I turn over the photo and look at the back.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Never forget."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Too late.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I feel someone's eyes on me.<span style=""> </span>I look around and see a man staring at me.<span style=""> </span>I shout at him, say what are you staring at.<span style=""> </span>Runs away.<span style=""> </span>Put photograph back in pocket.<span style=""> </span>Find pill bottle.<span style=""> </span>Pop in mouth.<span style=""> </span>Doesn't taste as beautiful as I'd expect it too.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I'm sitting in a diner across from a man.<span style=""> </span>He says his name is Jack Shade.<span style=""> </span>He laughs about the "good ol' days" about when we were rookies.<span style=""> </span>I laugh with him, something I learned in a class.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I tell him I don't remember the "good ol' days".<span style=""> </span>He looks somewhat hurt.<span style=""> </span>Says, "Well, I wouldn't expect you too."<span style=""> </span>I don't particularly like his bowler derby.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I take a pill bottle out of my coat and pop one into my mouth.<span style=""> </span>I grimace at the taste.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He asks me how the medication is going.<span style=""> </span>I say fine.<span style=""> </span>I don't tell him about the fog.<span style=""> </span>Don't know him that well.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">The receptionist shakes a pill bottle at me, as if trying to wake me up.<span style=""> </span>Futile attempt really.<span style=""> </span>I snatch it from her hand.<span style=""> </span>It tells me to take one as needed. <span style=""> </span>I turn my back and take three.<span style=""> </span>Don't know why.<span style=""> </span>A card tells me to go in and meet someone.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Smiling idiot.<span style=""> </span>Feel like knocking his teeth out.<span style=""> </span>Not sure why.<span style=""> </span>Laugh.<span style=""> </span>Fine.<span style=""> </span>Fine. Laugh.<span style=""> </span>Exit.<span style=""> </span>Seems cocky for someone I don't know.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">A large man walks up to me and clasps his hands on my shoulders.<span style=""> </span>He says, "How are you doing son?"<span style=""> </span>I look into his large saddened eyes.<span style=""> </span>I tell him not too good.<span style=""> </span>I wonder if I should tell him about the fog.<span style=""> </span>It's as if he already knows.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Says, "Listen son, I know it's hard, but you have to let this thing go and move on.<span style=""> </span>You're a good man and I hate to see it eat you up like this.<span style=""> </span>If you ever feel like talking, you know where to find me."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He seems so sad, as if losing a friend.<span style=""> </span>I look sad too and nod my head.<span style=""> </span>I learned it in a class.<span style=""> </span>I wish I knew what he was talking about.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">It's dark.<span style=""> </span>Smoke billowing from my mouth.<span style=""> </span>I'm standing next to a telephone booth.<span style=""> </span>Just standing there, looking around for something.<span style=""> </span>A man in a black coat and scarf walks by and stands next to me.<span style=""> </span>He doesn't look at me but just shifts his eyes around and shivers.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He says, "Ya got the stuff?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I say, "Refresh my memory."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"The dough ya smart-as dick."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Slang for money.<span style=""> </span>I fish around my pocket.<span style=""> </span>There is a large wad of cash.<span style=""> </span>I hand it to him.<span style=""> </span>He seems to know more about it than I do.<span style=""> </span>He starts talking.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Ok, detective, the guy you're lookin' for, he's close.<span style=""> </span>Real close.<span style=""> </span>When he uh...well y'know...don't really wanna remind you about it, but anyways when he did it...he couldn't move on 'cause there were still two connections.<span style=""> </span>Ya see, he didn't know about her, that she was married and all, let alone to a dick.<span style=""> </span>So right now he's floatin' between identities until he can cut off the last connections..."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Spell it out for me."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"You!<span style=""> </span>He's waitin' ta off you ya moron!<span style=""> </span>Listen, I'm only doin' this 'cause yer a good fella and ya helped me out with the guy and the thing that one time, but listen...have ya had any recent talks with any long lost buddies lately?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">His eyes open wide.<span style=""> </span>I raise one eyebrow as if shocked.<span style=""> </span>Something I learned in a class.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"I'm just sayin' detective, watch yer back."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"You said there were two connections, who's the other one?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He looks surprised and starts to open his mouth, but whatever he is about to say is silenced by the gunshot.<span style=""> </span>I see him fall, then I see a man with a pistol.<span style=""> </span>There's a gun in my pocket and I know how to use it.<span style=""> </span>I pull it out.<span style=""> </span>He runs.<span style=""> </span>I run after him.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I don't know who he is or what he's done, all I know is he shot someone and everything inside me tells me to run him down.<span style=""> </span>He pushes through crowds of people and ducks into a movie theater.<span style=""> </span>I go in after him, carefully, quietly.<span style=""> </span>I know not to rush.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">It's dark.<span style=""> </span>Too dark.<span style=""> </span>Can't see a thing.<span style=""> </span>I look around but all I see is endless blank faces, faces I don't know.<span style=""> </span>Could be any one of them.<span style=""> </span>I squint my brain to remember even the basic outline of the gut, but it all blends together and fades away.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Useless, futile.<span style=""> </span>Put the gun away.<span style=""> </span>Then I hear a child's voice, screaming for his mother...and it's not in my head.<span style=""> </span>I stare at the gray screen.<span style=""> </span>It falls apart.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">A child in a striped shirt and shorts jumps on a swing.<span style=""> </span>Pushes himself harder and harder.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Try harder and harder to remember anything different, anything at all...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He puts his hand to the sky, trying to grab the clouds.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I put my hand through my hair, grab a great clump of it, breathing heavily...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">And he falls.<span style=""> </span>And he cries.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I sit in the aisle and cradle my head in my hands...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Mother comes running.<span style=""> </span>Asks why he didn't wait for her.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Can't stand it...can't look away...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"But mommy, I wanted to touch the sky..."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">No...mine...it was mine...I swear it was...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Oh honey, you can't touch the sky, it's too far away."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I welcome the tears...and lament my memories...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Look the clouds..."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">...they're too far gone.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">The receptionist sticks her hand out with a pill bottle.<span style=""> </span>I don't feel like taking it.<span style=""> </span>Agitatedly, she slams it on the desk.<span style=""> </span>I take it anyway.<span style=""> </span>It tells me to go in.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Some guy asks me how I'm doing.<span style=""> </span>I say fine.<span style=""> </span>Just fine.<span style=""> </span>Says something strange.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Well that's good.<span style=""> </span>The placebos must be working out well."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I take out the pill bottle.<span style=""> </span>Long name.<span style=""> </span>I don't know what it means, but I know what placebo means.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"See?<span style=""> </span>You're doing fine!<span style=""> </span>You don't need medication!<span style=""> </span>It's all in your head!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I feel like knocking his teeth out.<span style=""> </span>Exactly what I do.<span style=""> </span>I rant.<span style=""> </span>I rave.<span style=""> </span>I tell him about the fog.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"The...fog?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"I...can't...feel...anything!<span style=""> </span>Don't you understand?!<span style=""> </span>This is all a dream to me!<span style=""> </span>Life is just an endless stream of consciousness surrounded by thick fog with meaningless people and events shifting around!<span style=""> </span>I don't know what's going on anymore!<span style=""> </span>I don't know who I am anymore!<span style=""> </span>The one memory I have is from a movie!<span style=""> </span>Everywhere I go everything mocks me with it's false sense of reminiscence!<span style=""> </span>Even this room mocks me with its impression of a stable box!<span style=""> </span>I don't even know why I'm so angry!<span style=""> </span>And who the hell are you to tell me I'm fine?!<span style=""> </span>Who the hell are you?!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"But Ben...I...I'm your psychiatrist...I've been your psychiatrist ever since you lost Deborah-"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"And who the fuck is Deborah?!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Saying the name brings tears to my eyes.<span style=""> </span>I don't know why.<span style=""> </span>I don't know anything anymore.<span style=""> </span>I cover them, wipe them away.<span style=""> </span>Throw the pill bottle on the floor.<span style=""> </span>Storm out.<span style=""> </span>Storm into the fog.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I stand in front of an apartment building.<span style=""> </span>Wonder how I got there.<span style=""> </span>Search in my coat pocket and find a slip of paper with address of building and note:</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Have info on her murder.<span style=""> </span>Meet me here at eight. -Jack"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Don't stop to ask myself who this Jack might be, just walk in.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">As I walk up the stairs I hear a girl scream.<span style=""> </span>There's a gun in my pocket and I know how to use it.<span style=""> </span>As I get close to the apartment, I hear shouting, see silhouettes of two men struggling.<span style=""> </span>I don't knock, I fire a bullet.<span style=""> </span>They both stop and stare at me as I stare at them.<span style=""> </span>Two men in trench coats I've never seen before.<span style=""> One in a porkpie. The other in a derby.<br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">One starts.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Ben!<span style=""> </span>It's me Jack!<span style=""> </span>We're old buddies remember?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">The other follows.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"The hell are you talking about Stenson?<span style=""> </span>I'm Jack Shade!<span style=""> </span>Ben!<span style=""> </span>This guy killed your wife!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Don't listen to him Ben!<span style=""> </span>He's the face!<span style=""> </span>He's the murderer!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Ben, what the hell?<span style=""> </span>You know me!<span style=""> </span>We were on the force together!<span style=""> </span>Both rookies!<span style=""> </span>Partners!<span style=""> </span>Remember?"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"Don't listen to him Ben!<span style=""> </span>He's trying to trick you!<span style=""> </span>You have to listen to me!<span style=""> </span>I'm Jack Shade!<span style=""> </span>He killed your wife!<span style=""> </span>Shoot him!"</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Endless stream of consciousness, endless stream of needless useless information, endless stream of bullshit.<span style=""> </span>Two faces covered in endless fog.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I look around the room for anything, anything at all to remind me, to tell me what to do.<span style=""> </span>A girl.<span style=""> </span>Unconscious.<span style=""> </span>I shout to her to see if she's ok.<span style=""> </span>She slowly comes to.<span style=""> </span>She looks from me to the men and back again.<span style=""> </span>Points to one, tears in eyes...</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">"You!<span style=""> </span>You killed my sister!<span style=""> </span>You bastard!"<br /><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I don't know what that means.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He slaps her, tells her to shut up stupid bitch.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">Information is useless to me.<span style=""> </span>I don't trust fruitless memories anymore.<span style=""> </span>I go with instinct.<span style=""> </span>A man hits a girl.<span style=""> </span>There's a gun in my hand.<span style=""> </span>I know how to use it.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;">***</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family:Times;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I'm sitting on the sidewalk, head cradled in hands.<span style=""> </span>There are tears in my eyes.<span style=""> </span>I don't know why.<span style=""> </span>I girl walks over.<span style=""> </span>She's beautiful, flowing brown hair, dark eyes, beautiful smile.<span style=""> </span>She says I saved her life.<span style=""> </span>Looks at me tearfully.<span style=""> </span>She says I dropped a picture and hands it to me.<span style=""> </span>She walks away.<span style=""> </span>Wonder if I knew her. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">It's a picture of a man and a woman.<span style=""> </span>They are happy, smiling, laughing.<span style=""> </span>I don't know them.<span style=""> </span>On the back is written, "never forget".<span style=""> </span>I hold the picture up and let the wind rip it from my fingers.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I check the contents of my coat.<span style=""> </span>There's a police badge.<span style=""> </span>It doesn't look like it belongs to me.<span style=""> </span>I throw it away.<span style=""> </span>There's a driver's license.<span style=""> </span>Name says Ben Caxton.<span style=""> Doesn't ring a bell. </span>I throw that away too.<span style=""> </span>There's a gun.<span style=""> </span>I know how to use it.<span style=""> </span>I keep that.<span style=""> </span>There's a picture of two rookie cops laughing.<span style=""> </span>On the back is a message that says, "When you can't trust no one or nothin' else, trust your instincts-Ben."<span style=""> </span>Good advice.<span style=""> </span>I keep that too.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">A man in a trenchcoat and porkpie comes over and puts a hand on my shoulder.<span style=""> </span>He says his name is Jack Shade.<span style=""> </span>He says I did good. Just like the "good ol' days". </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I stand up and say, "I don't know you.<span style=""> </span>I don't wanna know you.<span style=""> </span>I don't know me.<span style=""> </span>I don't wanna know me either."</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">He looks sad, as if someone died.<span style=""> </span>Wonder who.<span style=""> </span>Don't know.<span style=""> </span>Don't care.<span style=""> </span>Look sad as I turn away.<span style=""> </span>Something I learned in a class.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family:Times;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family:Times;">I walk into the fog and never look back.</span></p>the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-80337788846154909232009-06-28T20:25:00.000-07:002009-06-28T20:28:39.736-07:00About my dog<div id="pBlogBody_133230921" class="blogContent"><p>A dog dies. And you did it.<br /></p> <p>Why? Why did you kill my dog? He was a nice dog with fluffy fur and friendly paws. He didn't mean anyone harm. And you killed him. You killed my dog. You just had to read those three little words.<br /></p> <p>A cat dies.<br /></p> <p>What? My cat too? You killed Mr. Whiskers? But...but...why? He was just a kitten, only two words old. How could you kill something so innocent? Oh no, don't put all the blame on me. I only wrote the words. You read them. I merely created them, gave them a possible destiny. It is you who are the executioner. You didn't have to, you know, you could have stopped at the first word or even not read it at all. But you didn't and you killed a poor innocent cat and a poor innocent dog.<br /></p> <p>A fish dies.<br /></p> <p>No. I hate you. Poor fishy fish. He didn't do anything except swim around in his little fishbowl. And now he's dead. Now he's floating upside down. And it's all you're fault. You're sadistic. You create something and then you destroy it. Yes you created it. Would he be a fish without your eyes? No. You created him. And then you destroyed him. And I hate you.<br /></p> <p>Stop this rampage. Stop this violent rampage right now. All you would have to do is stop reading. Now. Or now. Or perhaps now. But you can't, you have to see a story to it's end, even if it's a bloody end, don't you? Stop! Don't you hear me? You have to stop right now or else you'll do something so horrific it will haunt you for the rest of your days, and every other word you read will seem fated, cursed, heavenly and deadly all at once. Please stop before</p> <p>Josh dies.</p></div>the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54575732656270116.post-22149024099373450822009-06-28T20:14:00.000-07:002009-06-28T20:19:25.309-07:00Welcome to my BlogHi There! My name's Joshua. This is my Blog. I like to write, draw, animate, design and make art in general. I like being a chameleon rather than a one-trick-pony. I'm going to use this to upload examples of my writing. Enjoy!the noir guyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16557508852657102732noreply@blogger.com0